i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My vagina is officially offended.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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