Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize