I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
