Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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