A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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