There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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