Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
