After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize