Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Boobs speak an international language.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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