fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Only a mothe r could love this liver
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My ATM looks so different sober.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
