I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
