You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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