It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
