me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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