I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize