with your own penis?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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