i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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