he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
