I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
