Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
