The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Terrible idea I love it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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