You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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