I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
