I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
