and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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