i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
