i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
