I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize