Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize