Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
