I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
