PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
