I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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