My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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