I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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