Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
