when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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