I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
