how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
