Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
