oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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