the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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