JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize