We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
