Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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