Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
