just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize