Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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