I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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