I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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