we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
false alarm. still invincible.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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