I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
