I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize