I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
