I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
