Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
