he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
