Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize