She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
