Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
