maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
my poor anus
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
