omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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