my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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