I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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