btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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