Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize