Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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