hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
