She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
